What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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