Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
