Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
she told me i tasted like america
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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