btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
