In the future we'll all be gay
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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