i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
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