Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I want to be your penis for a week.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
