Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize