The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
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