We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
