Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
