dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
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masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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