ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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