Got a toothbrush?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
