Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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