i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
