So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Your topless pictures make me question reality
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
