I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
