I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
