I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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