Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My vagina is very pro this idea
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
