Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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