Having a random hookup so left but love u
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Randomize
