She's JV to your varsity
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
