All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
