I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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