Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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