i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
