i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize