I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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