It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
