no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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