Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
