I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
