Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
