i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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