There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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