i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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