I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
