this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
