Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
