I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
