this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
