Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
