I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i believe in u and ur pee
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
