OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
