The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
