i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
