ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
