We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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