i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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