she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
