apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
