winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
