it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
