Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
