i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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