I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
