My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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