uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
