before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
